“Then Coach Main saith unto them, ‘Thou wilst have sore backs tomorrow because thou art strong. Chide thy neighbors and coworkers, for their backs are sore from weakness. Be not ye therefore like them. Lament their impotence.'”
John 2:3, Message to the 5/6p; MPH Bible, Book of Deadlifts
To learn more about narcissistic personality disorder (i.e., God complex), click here. Actually, this might explain a lot.
five rounds, each for time; rest exactly three minutes between rounds:
This workout is scored by all five times.
Get some sleep tonight, Gang. Least favorite CrossFit workout. Ever.
Every time this workout comes up, I legitimately consider taking a rest day. Many times, it brought me closer to meeting “Pukie” than I’d ever been.
How’s that for inspiration?
Sleep well, indeed.
I will be wearing a special new LuLu Lemon outfit for this one. Been saving it for that “one” occasion. Just like the “Barbara” I used to know; I always wore my best for her but she made me puke in the end. But this is my time now.
My battle gear is ready. Bring er on!
I am StuLu. The Fierce.
BARFraaaaa! Last time I did this WOD I took a two hour break between rounds 3 and 5, “having to personal train my clients” was a great excuse…How am I going to pull that off tomorrow??
Could you put your lara bar recipe up on the recipe section. They sounded really good and I think I’ll have time to make some during sno-geddon this weekend.
I couldn’t find a way to post the recipe in the right section so ill post it here and let the MPH gods and godesses repost it where ever they choose:
Hmmm, let’s call them:
A heaping .5 cup pitted dates
.5 cup sliced almonds
2 tablespoon unsweetened shredded coconut
2 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa
.5 tablespoon coconut oil (optional)
.5 to 1 tablespoon water if it needs moistening
Blend all ingredients in blender or food processor untill it is mixed and crumbly, dump out on a plate or tray and form into balls with your hands. You can put them/store them in the fridge to keep their shape and freshness. This makes 6 small balls or two large mph size balls
Thanks for the recipe, Christy. Looks like the caveman diet got some air time on the Colbert Report last night:
The best part starts around the 5:33 mark.
… “about narcissistic personality disorder”… “But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism”.
Yeah, right! and the birds can get knocked up!
I was excited about the possibilities of this workout and fell asleep on the train. I am sure that the morning crew is ripping it right now. Miss you guys!
We missed you, Kim. Only 7 of us there this morning to keep John awake. (Of course, one of the 7 was Ralph, so no problem there.)
Yea dude, you looked a little green afterwards. No shame in it. I barely held it down in rounds 3 and 4.
So that’s what was in my sink…
No actually what happened was on my posterior, or derriere, or whatever it’s called…. ass I guess.
Didn’t notice until I got in the shower, then: ow ow ow!
That’s why you’re supposed to tape the buttcheeks, Jeremy. It’s a time-honored tradition around these parts.
At what point does John’s messiah complex stop being funny, and start being a point of concern? When he’s written an ENTIRE MPH Bible? I’m just sayin’…
When I replace the whiteboard and marker for a stone tablet and chisel, then you can worry.
Let my athletes go,
Or when you show up in a robe and sandals? Grow the hair and beard long?
I’d have you know, that John has been known to wear sandals and grow facial hair in the summer…..u don’t know what you’re asking for!!!
And on a separate note: How many of you have had blood offerings at/to big red??? And you wonder why we always do pull ups….I’m just saying!! LOL
Don’t forget, my friends, that we’re the ones drinking the Kool-Aid (paleo friendly, of course)…… in our identical T-shirts and footwear.
And, what to make of the fact that we’re all so psyched for the upcoming “Massacre?”
Yes, Christine—preach it!
Our next t-shirt: “The only thing we drink before workouts is the Kool-Aid.”
Strength be with you,
I am surprised by the lack of butt taping jokes. . .
I have been worried about myself being excited about the upcoming “Massacre” but since you actually spoke (well wrote) it into existence along w/ the identical T-Shirts and footwear, I am really really worried.
6AM other good day together. A shout out to Borja for showing us the way.
All I have to say about this WOD is XOXO!!!
John thank you for making it happen for us this morning.
another psa from steve:
if you like to see amazing feats of strength, balance, coordination, flexibility, and skill, may i recommend:
Neil A.: 3:44, 4:56, 5:00, 6:20, 5:54
Joe P.: 2:43, 2:51, 3:19, 3:25, 4:22 (-10x/exercise)
Charles H.: 3:48, 4:37, 6:57, 6:12, 7:10
Andrea R.: 4:13, 4:47, 6:30, 6:41, 5:07 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue)
Jessica H.: 4:31, 5:24, 6:22, 6:08, 5:15
David O.: 5:25, 8:26, 11:42, 9:41, x
Ravi S.: 5:24, 7:28, 8:38, 8:41, x
Jeremy N.: 4:35, 5:48, 4:37, 5:37, 5:01 (10x pull-up)
Mayra C.: 5:26, 5:25, 5:38, 5:33. 5:14 (sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue)
Mike S.: 3:05, 4:49, 5:00, 5:12, 5:25
Antonio G.: 2:59, 3:03, 3:13, 3:24, 3:30 (-10x/exercise)
Borja G.: 5:14, 5:57, 6:59, 6:46, 6:54
Mike D.: 3:37, 3:58, 4:45, 4:45, 5:09 (-10x/exercise)
Amy D.: 2:57, 3:27, 3:58, 4:11, 4:49 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, red)
Lynsey H.: 4:19, 4:22, 4:52, 4:39, 4:52 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue, incline pushup)
Ralph A.: 3:24, 4:09, 5:14, 7:39, 7:04 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue)
Tamra F.: 3:42, 4:50, 5:08, 5:04, 4:37 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue)
Erez Y.: 5:02, 3:46, 4:30, 4:26, 4:01 (no pull-up)
Christy P.: 3:18, 3:42, 4:20, 4:26, 4:11
Shana S.: 3:15, 3:35, 4:51, 6:04, 5:25 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, green)
Glenn C.: 3:06, 3:41, 4:55, 6:22, x (-10x/exercise; 2 minutes rest between sets)
Lisa C.: 3:29, 3:28, 3:35, 4:08, 4:21 (-10x/exercise, sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue, 1/2x superman)
Alan N.: 3:25, 2:30, 3:10, 3:43, 3:00 (-10x/exercise)
Josh O.: 3:45, 4:19, 5:41, 6:47, x (sub: bodyrow)
Linda K.: 5:06, 5:09, 5:19, 5:35, x (-10x/exercise; sub: bodyrow)
Dave R.: 2:32, 3:00, 3:47, 4:19, 4:17
Kyle F.: 4:40, 4:44, 5:24, 6:27 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue; 4 rounds)
Travis O.: 3:19, 3:23, 4:22, 4:53 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue; 4 rounds)
Tod C.: 4:18, 4:32, 6:05 (-10x/exercise; sub: bodyrow; 3 rounds)
StuLu.: 3:40, 3:50, 4:01, 4:40, 4:35 (-10x/exercise)
Joanna L.: 3:05, 3:02, 3:43, 4:12, 4:33 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, red)
Thomas M.: 3:09, 3:27, 3:50, 4:16, 3:35 (-10x/exercise)
Jason H.: 2:06, 3:04, 3:26, 5:27, 5:12
Joe F.: 3:49, 5:12, 7:10, 8:20, 6:01
Sean F.: 3:08, 3:38, 4:24, 3:56, 4:48 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue)
Amy S.: 4:45, 4:57, 4:53, 6:49, 9:01 (-10x/exercise; sub: bodyrow, incline pushup)
Kim H.: 4:32, 7:00, 6:15, 7:30, 6:30 (-10x/exercise; sub: bodyrow, incline pushup)
Roselena R.: 3:27, 4:37, 4:34, 5:43, 5:11 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, red)
Stuart W.: 6:58, 6:27, 8:01, 8:12 (sub: jump-stretch pull-up, red; 4 rounds)
Leota B.: 3:26, 4:10, 3:00, 4:41, 4:50 (-10x/exercise; sub: bodyrow, incline pushup)
Michelle C.: 5:03, 6:24, 7:55, 7:46 (-10x/exercise; sub: bodyrow, incline pushup; 4 rounds)
Daniel B.: 3:29, 4:29, 6:34, 7:20, 7:58 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, blue)
Sue R.: 4:02, 5:27, 6:35, 8:04 (-10x/exercise; sub: bodyrow, incline pushup; 4 rounds)
Christine S.: 3:34, 4:09, 4:16, 4:30, 4:31 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, red)
Marc B.: 3:57, 4:38, 5:55, 7:45 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, red; 4 rounds)
David S.: 3:49, 4:04, 4:38, 5:08 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, green; 4 rounds)
Gary C.: 3:56, 4:24, 6:00, 9:00 (-10x/exercise; sub: jump-stretch pull-up, green; 4 rounds)
Meghan M.: 5:03, 5:30, 5:57, 6:45, 6:28
Wayne C.: 3:47, 4:48, 4:46, 5:05, 5:28 (-10x/exercise)
This was awful. “Warmed up” in my Jazz IV class; the closest thing to a CrossFit workout I’d experienced before CrossFit. I feel like doing this one with other people would have been great. I found myself losing a lot of time on the pushups.
Subbed body row for pullups.
5:19, 6:16, 7:13, 7:50, 8:58
So last night at 7, it occurred to us that perhaps what John and Mel are doing here is actually conducting an insurgency. A fitness insurgency. Because I am a nerd, I have developed a theory, drawing heavily on existing theories of insurgent group formation and radicalization.
– Attraction to compelling ideology. Who could read MPH in 100 words, or “Survival of the Fittest” without at least thinking about joining up?
– Group formation around a charismatic, entrepreneurial, (and occasional messianic) leader. Given recent posts from MPH God, I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one.
– Formation of collective identity through the process of “othering.” The way we relate to those poor suckers working out at the globo gym in large part defines who we are as the opposite of that.
– Fomenting group identity through collective suffering. Again, duh.
– Continued loyalty to the group due to real (or perceived, but in this case definitely real) rewards. We all know what we get from MPH. Best hour of the day.
– Call to action, passion for change. “If you want it, come and get it.”
– Mobilization through networks. The internets allow us to stay connected to each other and to connect to other affiliates around the world (other “cells,” if you will).
I’m just sayin’…
The minimalist philosophy is also consistent with insurgent tradecraft. Globo gym rats can’t keep up, too much equipment.
Wow, Sus. Brilliant stuff—top five post potential. I am: pleased, invigorated and a little nervous.
Also, some black SUVs, a Humvee and a bunch of guys with M16s just pulled up. Thanks, Adam.
Mel can take care of those guys. Just call it her WOD for that day
Interesting observations! You may be on to something. I have often looked at Big Red with 10 people doing pull-ups and felt like I was in an Al-Qaeda training video.
أنا فقط أقول (I’m just sayin’)
Makes perfect sense to me. I took a break and was told by our leader that I was cutting out the one good thing in my life(maybe not those exact words). I hate to admit that he (oops) they might have been right. I haven’t stopped smiling since I returned to the fold…
5:50, 7:41, 9:17, 7:04, 7:33
That was a grind!
I found some more inspirational quotes about deadlifting:
If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to your barbell, “MOVE!” and it will move, one lift at a time! And nothing will be impossible for you that day after you have already lifted a couple of tons.
Blessed is the man who can keep a straight spine through the entire range-of-motion.
I haven’t had as much fun since I gave birth! Who is this “Barbara,” anyway? Thanks for a great workout. XOXO (!!)
Hey all, the Washington Post is directing people to the “DC Snowpocalypse” website about what we should all do in anticipation of the coming snowfall:
ok, that was hilarious 🙂
i’m just hoping the snow doesn’t block my satellite feed for the game on sunday. otherwise, bring it on!